UPDATE: More Than A Huff And A Puff

Hi Guys

Here is the updated version with pictures. Any comments for improvement will be appreciated.

Sorry, I'm not a artist, but I wanted to follow through the process of scanning, placing pictures on a blog site, etc. Thanks!!


Background: In this cross-over fanfic the world of the three little pigs collides with that of Little Red Riding Hood and more.

Disclaimer: The usual.



New Vocabulary: “Piggels” = pigs


Wolf wondered how to get at the pork inside the straw house. One look at him and the three pig-siblings had fled indoors. He tried a huff, but, being an asthmatic, his efforts had no effect on the house.

Joker, considering how to upset Batman’s world, was passing by and saw Wolf’s distress. “You sorry looking mongrel, what’s your problem?” he asked.

“I’m hankering after pork sausages, but can’t get at the piggels within,” groaned Wolf, pointing at the house.

Joker thought for a time then said, “Use a bulldozer to flatten the house. You’ll have plenty of sausage meat then, my friend.”

Soon after, Wolf, sitting on a bulldozer, revved its engine to terrify the pigs. “I’m coming to get you,” he hissed, with Rambo macho. “I’m going to make mince meat out of you!”

The bulldozer lurched towards the house, Wolf laughing hysterically, for dinner would soon be in sight. Suddenly, Superman appeared and stopped the bulldozer with one hand.

“Bad Wolf!” he chided. “With my x-ray vision I know what’s inside the house and what you’re planning to do.” Speaking to the pigs, he said, “Be on your way and, next time, make your house more secure.”

“No, no, no!” shouted Wolf, watching his dinner on the hoof escaping down the road.

When Wolf met the pigs again they were living in a house of sticks. Good living had made them more rotund while Wolf had grown leaner. Wolf licked his lips in anticipation. But first he had to get at the porkers who, predictably, had fled indoors.

He tried a puff and a huff but the house remained standing. Wheezing, Wolf sat on the grass and burst into tears, his paws covering his face.

“Why, Wolf, what’s happened?” a voice asked.

Looking up, Wolf’s tears ebbed. “Puzzler! I’ve a hankering for roast pork and no way to get at the piggels,” he squealed, pointing at the house.

“Batman’s not on my tail, so I’ve time to help you,” Puzzler replied. He pondered the conundrum for awhile then declared “I’ve got it! Listen you sook, I’ll only tell you once. In the iron monger’s it lives and makes a meal out of anything combustible.”

Puzzler slapped Wolf on the back. “Figure that out and you’ll have roast pork.”

Wolf put two and two together and returned with a fiery torch. He was about to set the house alight when Superman appeared and snuffed out the flame.

“Bad Wolf!” he chided. “With my x-ray vision I know what’s inside the house and what you’re planning to do.” Speaking to the pigs, he said, “Be on your way and make your next house more secure.”

“No, no, no!” shouted Wolf, watching his dinner roar down the road in an automobile.

When Wolf met the pigs again they were living in a brick house complete with heated swimming pool. Predictably, the pigs fled indoors leaving a frustrated wolf to howl.

Meanwhile, Penguin, holding a balloon, was descending rapidly to earth. “Wolf, what’s wrong? I’ve given Batman the slip, so I’ve time to help.”

“I’m hankering after smoked pork, but the piggels are indoors,” Wolf said, pointing at the house.

“You can’t blow this one down,” Penguin commented. “But pigs like to keep warm. See the smoke coming out of the chimney? Bung it full of moist grass. The smoke filling the house will give you smoked pork.”

Wolf was carrying out the plan, laughing hysterically, when Superman appeared.

“Bad Wolf!” he chided. “I’ve had enough of you.” Grabbing Wolf by a leg, Superman spun him in the air then let him go.

“No, no, no!” shouted the flying wolf as he hurtled through the air, while down below his dinner waved him goodbye.

Wolf landed on his head in a dense forest. He found a path and followed an old woman and a little girl in a bright shiny red cloak all the way home.

Granny, spotting the canine, yelled, “Wolf!” and Red Riding Hood yelled, “Save us!” Rushing indoors, they left Wolf to collapse exhausted upon the ground.

A woodsman jumped out of the forest. “Did someone say ‘wolf’?” he asked, and spotting the canine, rushed to him, axe ready to deliver the fatal blow.

“Is this the end?” Wolf moaned. A wolf’s life was grim in Fairy Land.

Suddenly, Superman appeared. “Woodsman, he wasn’t supposed to land here.”

“Like the last one?” Red Riding Hood asked, running up.

“I’ve had a sore shoulder,” Superman apologised, “and didn’t fling him far enough.”

“Poor dear,” Granny said, standing next to him.

“Thank you, Granny,” Superman said.

“I wasn’t speaking to you,” Granny replied. “Look at that lump on Wolf’s head.”

“Can we keep Wolf, Granny?” the girl asked.

“No, you can’t, you misled girl. Remember that last wolf?” the woodsman said.

Granny patted Wolf. “He’s not like that one.”

“He’s a big sook,” the girl said.

“I'll become a vegetarian if needs be,” Wolf said desparately. “I can be anything you want me to be. Just don’t ask me to be a wolf. I’m no good at playing that role.”

“Of course you can stay,” Granny cried.

“But, be warned,” the woodsman cautioned, swinging his axe.

“It’s your lucky day, Wolf,” Superman said, flying off.

After a good bath, Wolf curled up on the veranda and ate a pork pie Granny had given him. “Home at last,” he purred to himself.

Twighlight 7 Years on

She wasn’t ever going to be his Bella, this was it. He had lost the battle to win the heart of his true love and know as he watched her slowly dying and the sound of heart come to a slow morbid beat he couldn't think of anything else to do but run.

This ‘thing’ inside her had killed her, and without meaning to it had killed me to. I want it to die, that thing, it doesn't deserve a life, and it doesn't deserve her either. So I do what I do best, I ran. As far and as fast as possible before Seth and Leah can even notice that I've gone. I know that I have people who care about me here and my father will be hurt but he’ll understand, I don’t want to have to put the pact, my pact, through the misery of knowing how much my life is worthless it’s just not fair. To everyone else she is just a girl but she was my girl, my Bella, the one who laughed with me and let me find myself and I’ve lost her, forever to a bunch of bloodsucking vampires who obviously never truly had her best interest at heart. I wonder how well Charlie will take the fact Edward let his only daughter die because he was too weak to say no to her. I think ill head to the northern Alps, maybe then the frozen temperature can really take my heart.

7 years later. . .

7 years later and the pain has eased just the slightest, I know I lost her physically and emotionally, but in some way or another I'm sure I can still feel her spiritually, maybe that’s what has made it so hard to accept the fact that Bella isn’t coming back. I let go a little more every day and now I don’t smell her or remember her favourite colour, as the memories fade I find myself left with just the remembrance of the exact shade of brown her eyes were when she would talk about me, burnt amber and not getting the opportunity to see them turn that shade has been the hardest idea to deal with it. It’s time to visit home, 7 years have passed what more could there be that I’ve missed?

I take a detour through the forest just in case any of the pact are patrolling, it’s been a while since I've heard their thoughts in my head and as much as I complained about having to suffer with having to listen to them, I have missed it. As I head through the familiar green grass I hear the voice I expected to hear first. Seth. “Jake mate welcome back! How have you been? Ok you won’t believe what you missed, so. . .” “hello Seth, ok wow buddy I see 7 years haven’t changed your ability to throw all information out there at all” Seth goes quiet and I can feel him blushing “I have grown up though Jacob and I want you to know that I am still in your pact, brothers stick together through everything, I will help you through everything” great I thought after 7 years he’s still just as sensitive as he was when I left, being a werewolf hasn’t solidified him at all. Help? What was it I needed help with? I have sorted all my stuff out I am a new person. As I round the corner to the clearing by the beach I phase back into my human form, shit I don’t have any pants. I haven’t had a need for clothes in the past 7 years, not only that I'm having trouble balancing, after a couple of minutes I gain balance and begin to search for any humans who will be scared off by my nudeness at a non nude beach. I look down to find a pair of pants and a t-shirt laid out just waiting for a body to fill them. Seth must have told them I was here, at least one thing is always certain, brotherhood is an unbreakable pact.

I chuck on the pants and discard the shirt; first up its time to return home and see my father out of anyone I’ve missed him the most. ……

Phasing back and forth comes just as naturally as it did 7 years ago, just like riding a bike. I head to the forest dad said something about a pact meeting and I think it’s about time I apologize for what I put everyone through when I was a jerk for choosing Bella over the boys, I mean I didn’t even imprint on her, how stupid are you when you still think there’s a chance even when the love of your life’s married to someone you despise. I make sure to think all this before phasing because I don’t want to get Leah started on me just yet, I’m hopping however that 7 years have done her some justice and she’s not such a pain in the butt. Everything falls into place relatively fast and it’s like I’ve never been gone. Sam is still leading the pact and I’m allowing it, I don’t want to be in charge anymore I’m happy following the orders to keep our families safe. Leah and I are on perimeter check and of course she’s straight into asking one hundred questions about where I’ve been and how disrespectful it was of me to leave the pact seeing as I practically forced her to leave Sam’s pact. After her rant is over we run in silence with just our thoughts going through our mind. I see Leah has imprinted on a boy I knew from school, and I find myself happy for her. After everything she went through with Sam it wasn’t an easy journey. As Sam calls us in for the night I head back at a slow pace with Leah jogging beside me “I must admit Jacob, you haven’t thought about her at all since you’ve been back, are you actually over her?” trust Leah to have to mention her, “Yeah, I think I am I have no choice anymore either way she’s gone” “oh? Jacob I didn’t. . .” and once again I did what I knew best, I ran.

It feels as though I never truly left, everything fits back on like a glove even though I know there are a few fingers missing. For weeks no one mentions her name or the family that took her and I think maybe I left it till perfect timing to come back but as we all know... nothing is ever as it seems. As I walk down the front of the beach I'm stroke by someone walking towards me from the other end of the beach, and she is beautiful. That is the first girl since Bella that I have ever really paid attention to. She walks towards me and as she stands slightly sided from me I look up to in time for her to catch my eye. Her eyes are a hazel nut brown and as they catch a glimpse of mine, they turn magnificent burnt amber. My heart stops beating, and all of a sudden I feel a burn in the left side of my chest and I look down, no hole. It feels as though my heart has been wrenched out and this is when it hit me. The pain, the beauty, her smile had me captivated at first glance, no one has ever had me that fast, not even Bella. I think I have just imprinted.

As she stares at me a second too long for her to not to feel something I realise I've known her my whole life and something inside me wants to call out her name “Nessie?” why did I just say that? Great now she will never talk to me again, I mean who’s going to take a second look at some guy who yells a random name at a girl? To my surprise she turns around “yes?” and then I really look at her, I mean really look at her. Her skin was very pale, even for a rainy town like forks, her hair was a chestnut brown and her face was soft, peaceful and very captivating, and her eyes were so familiar, like id been looking into them for centuries. Nessie, I wonder what made that name come out. I don’t know a Nessie? “You look familiar, do I know you?” she said “really? I was just thinking that exact thing as well” as I stare closer I notice that as her eyes change I realise who she looks like how did I not see this coming? Same hair colour, same eyes and skin and captivation just like her father. This was the child of Bella, Renessme. And before I can say anything she says “you’re Jacob? My Aunt Alice told me I would be seeing you, but she didn’t mention how good looking you were” she defiantly picked up the skill of flirting a lot easier than her mother “is Bell... I mean your mother around?” I gulp afraid to hear the answer. “She’s just at home, why don’t you come over for dinner, I've heard a lot about you”

I cannot believe it, I've imprinted on Bella’s daughter, I've never felt this way before and it makes me realise I will only ever love Bella as a best friend. Man she's going to be pissed when she finds out, better have my running shoes on.

Updated Hansel and Gretel

Here is my updated fanfic.
hope you enjoy =]

Hansel and Gretel. A story told through generations about the mistreatment of two poor children by their wicked stepmother. They find a Gingerbread Cottage where there is an evil witch who tries to eat them. They kill her and are eventually reunited with their father as their step mother has died. Sound familiar? IT IS ALL LIES. Forget all the variations of Hansel and Gretel that you have read. I am going to tell you what REALLY happened.

Once upon a time, blonde haired and blue eyed Hansel and Gretel lived with their mother and father in a cute little house with a white picket fence in central New York. Their Father worked at a bank and their mother was a school teacher. To the outside world, they seemed perfect. People would often walk past the family and dream wistfully about what it must be like to be as perfect as them. However, what most people did not know was that behind the charade, they were drug lords. Even young Hansel and Gretel were in on it. One day, a terrible tragedy occurred. Their mother was shot by a ‘home invader’, or, I should say a gang angry that their crack was not up to the usual standard, and later died in hospital.

As the FBI had been watching this family for a while, we decided to send someone in to find their main source of cocaine. I’m sure that by now you can tell that that someone was me. I was sent to ‘seduce’ their father and make him trust me enough to tell me their biggest family secret. The only way? Make him fall in love with me of course. Marriage was not something I had planned at all. But, when I’m assigned to a job, I do everything I can to get to get to the bottom of it.

Things were going well. I came to really care about the family who, as a rule, did not use the drugs themselves, just sold them to gangs and such. But as the children got older, around 9 years old, they became hooked. I tried EVERYTHING to get them clean. We moved out into the country, thinking that getting away from their bad friends and the city and getting some fresh air would do them good. Even that had no effect. Finally, the only option left was sending them away. Of course we didn’t send them very far, but the drugs made them confused and disorientated and they ended up walking deep into the woods.

One day, they stumbled across a cottage, which, in their stoned state, appeared to be made out of gingerbread. They had been taught to be suspicious of everyone and everything and usually would not have approached this strange place, but they had the munchies, so they immediately climbed onto the cottage and started trying to consume the roof tiles. Mrs McInty, the little old lady who lived there, came out to see what the commotion was, and, as is expected from an elderly woman, invited them in for some real food. Hansel and Gretel stayed at the cottage for a while, and as their drug supply dwindled, the withdrawals started. The little old lady, who had not been near civilisation for years and therefore did not know about the worlds growing drug problem, just assumed that they were poor, lost and sick children and the cure for that was to ‘fatten ‘em up’. One day, while walking to collect water, Mrs McInty suffered a bad fall. At 82 years old, her age was starting to catch up with her. She was so frail that she put her back out and suffered a possible fracture in her right arm. This meant that she could no longer carry out her usual household tasks. She asked Gretel to clean the oven for her, but Gretel immediately assumed the ‘evil witch’ was trying to cook her so, together with her brother; they easily pushed her into the oven, turned it on and ran away.

Eventually Hansel and Gretel were found and returned to their father by some park rangers. By this time, I had discovered their main source and had them arrested. This meant that my identity was revealed to their father and I was pulled from the household. I returned to the life I had led prior to my unconventional marriage, but still kept in close contact with their father. However, for the sake of the children, we faked my death. It was easier for them to understand. Once I was away from the emotional influence of the family I began to see the family as just another project and felt it was my duty to report the murder of Mrs McInty. Hansel and Gretel were sentenced to seventeen years in a juvenile detention centre, being transferred to a proper prison when they came of age, for her manslaughter, as well as the distribution of cocaine. They were also sent to a very prestigious rehab centre where they became clean. Eventually I lost contact with the father, but the last I heard was that the children had relapsed and were buying, distributing and using more cocaine than before. They had found a new drug ring, but the project to find out the main distributor was deemed too dangerous because of the children’s previous history. I hope one day that the children have the strength to become clean and will be able to tell the real story to everyone, but for now all I can do is tell my story to those who will listen. It just goes to show that stepmothers aren’t always the wicked narcissists that they are made out to be in the stories.

Hole in my Heart

Hey guys,
heres my updated FanFic!

Bella’s POV

I never imagined it would end like this.

Never thought Edward would leave me, but he did.

My world had suddenly turned around. Without him there didn't seem to be a reason for anything, how pathetic is that? Since when did I let a boy, well in this case a vampire rule my life.

Everywhere I went reminded me of him, the table in the back of the lunch room, my truck where there now was a giant hole where my stereo used to be, stupid shiny Volvos that drove past, the old chair in my lounge where he had spent most of his time on when Charlie was at home, it even still smelled of him.

I remembered back to night he told me he was leaving, I was sitting in my room waiting for him like any other night when he climbed through my window like always, never making a sound, he carefully sat beside me bringing my face up to look him, his cold hands touching my face so lightly it didn’t feel real, I would never get used to this.

He looked deep in my eyes, steering back at him I noticed something different, something hidden in his eyes, they were soft... sad, something I had never seen before.

My heart pounded something he could definitely hear, he smiled, a sad smile before carefully whispering in his soft velvet voice, a sound I would forever remember

“I have to leave Bella” I stared at him, stunned, he was leaving me?

“Why Edward?” I stammered trying to keep my tears from escaping.

“I have to Bella, I’m no good for you, I keep putting you in danger, I’m going to leave and you will forget all about me” he eyes were telling a different story, his topaz eyes melted into mine as I looked up at him.

“I will never forget you Edward, don’t go I love you” I let the tears fall freely as I watched him gracefully stand and head towards my window.

“I have to” he whispered before jumping out so fast I couldn’t reach him as I ran towards him, feeling his shirt slide between my fingers, he was gone.

That first night without him was unimaginable I sat looking at my window hoping, praying he would come back, realise he did still love me and couldn’t leave me just like he had promised when we were in phoenix, I managed to finally fall asleep that night, my pillow soaked in the tears that now dried my face.

I woke to a scream, a scream that was escaping my mouth. I sometimes still wake to that same scream, it is something that haunts me each time I shut my eyes.

As I snapped back into reality I realised I was clutching my stomach and gasping for air, it was like there was a hole in my chest that only Edward could fill.
It has been 2 months and not a day goes by that I don’t think about him, where he is and if he is thinking about me too.

Edwards POV

I didn't want to leave her, couldn't, but I had too.

I had already put her in enough danger.

She would forget me, I know she will. It hurt though, knowing that soon I would become a distinct memory to her when all my thoughts were about her, wondering what she was doing, if she was safe.

I didn’t know where I was going.

After the night I had jumped out her window, I kept running, not paying any attention to where I was going.

I ended up in a forest, a dark deserted forest.

There where trees everywhere but no animals which meant nothing for me to hunt on, so I kept running, running through the night, Passing different animals which I fed on.

Bella never escaped my thoughts as I looked up at the dark night sky, with the stars shinning above.

The forest was lonely, the trees where black and the ground was hard and bumpy, nothing like the soft and comfy bed where I usually sat, just watching Bella sleep.

She was always so content, so peaceful.

There I sat alone thinking of her beautiful soft face, my body began to tremble, if I could actually sob the tears would be flowing.

My Bella. I needed her, maybe even more than she needed me.

My heart hasn’t beat in almost 90 years and yet not being with Bella it felt like there was some how a hole in my chest, like I had left it with Bella.

I had to go back.

Suprise For The Proper Libby - Updated!

Shortland Street Fanfic
Chris gets Libby pregnant after their fling.
Set after episode when Chris takes Libby out for dinner and they end up back at his place. They end up having sex. She goes on holiday and finds out she is pregnant. How is she supposed to tell Chris?

Set story – Libby POV
How could this happen to me? Me, Libby Jeffrey’s the most organised and prepared woman you will ever meet. Now what am I supposed to do. I can’t tell Chris, he already has enough to worry about; this vacation didn’t work out they way I planned it was suppose to be endless cocktails and relaxing by the beach.

I remembered back to that night Chris had just brought me back to his house for a drink after getting the most gorgeous shoes in the world!, I was so nervous I could feel the butterflies flying around my stomach, I didn’t expect anything to happen but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want it to, The feel of his lips on mine was something I difintely wasn’t expecting; my heart quickened as our kiss deepened and we somehow ended up stairs for something out of this world!. The rest of the night is a blur it could be the alcohol talking or maybe I’ve just blocked it from my memory.

What am I meant to do now?

(Libby paces back and forward across her Hotel living room)

do I end this vacation and go home and tell Tania, Mia and Mum.... oh god that a silly idea I can’t go home and tell mum she’s been through a lot as it is and hearing that I’m pregnant to Chris Warner from a one night stand she would be so disappointed in me or do I stay here and try to enjoy myself and return home acting like nothing is happening. No I couldn’t do that, they would soon notice my expanding stomach, wait what am I thinking? Am I even going to keep the baby?

So many thoughts swam around my head as I tried to focuses on them all. I had to keep it, I could never kill a baby, especially not my own, mine and Chris’s oh god I had to tell him, he has a right to know, it is his baby too after all.
The flight home was a bumpy one and I was glad to be walking through the airport gates. I’ve got to go to my doctor to double check that I am actually pregnant because how embarrassing would it be going through all the trouble in telling Chris that I was but then finding out I wasn’t he would think I lied and I don’t lie so so so oh get a hold of yourself Libby

(Libby slaps herself)

I carefully look around and make sure know one witnessed my semi breakdown. I grab my extremely heavy bags; I always seem to pack way more than I need. The taxi arrives and I can’t wait to get home.
My house is just as I left it, yet it seems empty somehow, maybe a baby is just what I need, no Libby you’re being stupid now I sigh to myself. The beeping of my answering machine catches my attention;
5 messages, wow I’ve been away for 2 weeks and only have 5 messages.

call one: “Hey Libby, it mum give me a call when you get in, would love to hear about your holiday”

call two: “Libby its Chris, Callum just told me you are on leave, hope you haven’t left yet, give me a call when you get in.”

call three: “I guess you have left then, please call me when u get in”

call four “I hope you’re not avoiding me, please call”

call Five “Libby I’m getting worried, please let me know when your back”

I press delete, I’m not ready to face him yet, as soon as he looked at me I’d blurt everything out, not how you’re supposed to tell the guy who you had a one night stand with that your having his baby. A bath, I need a bubble bath, it will help calm down the thoughts in my head. The soft bubbles float around me as i sink further and further into the bath. The water eventually gets to hot and I decide a good night sleep is just what I need.

I couldn’t sleep, I kept thinking about how I was supposed to face Chris at work tomorrow, I hope he doesn’t notice I’m pregnant; he is a doctor after all. Ah the thought of it gave me a headache. I eventually fell asleep but the sound of the ticking clock next to me woke me up from my deep but brief sleep.

I was full of nerves walking through the hospital doors, I was sure everyone was staring at me. Waiting at the lift, strangers kept coming up to me saying I was completely glowing and must of had a good holiday. My breath quickened, if complete strangers could tell something was different then Chris defiantly would. The doors swung open and Chris was standing there starring down at me, I was trapped. My heart pounded as I felt the sudden urge to vomit, oh no not morning sickness already I was thinking to myself.

“Libby! Your back, why didn’t you phone me?” I pushed my fist against the wall and held my stomach tight as I threw up into the corner. Chris looked at me, shocked, “are you alright Libby?” “Yes, I’m fine I breathed softly, I think I must have caught something on holiday.” I wiped my mouth with a tissue he offered me and had a drink of my bottled water I always kept with me. “oh well if you need me to check you out, just come to my exam room.” He smiled my heart quickened. “oh no I will be fine I should really go get someone to clean that up” as soon as the elevator doors opened I ran as fast as I could.

By the afternoon I had gained enough courage to go talk to Chris. I had to get it over with. My breath quickened as I reached the doors of his exam room. I peered in; there he was sitting at his computer screen. I took a deep breath and walked him. “Chris I’m pregnant I blurted out” he stared at me, stunned. His mouth opening and closing like a fish. I looked around nervously. I shouldn’t have done this I thought to myself when suddenly I felt his hand on my shoulder. “are you sure?” he asked me softly. “Yes, I whispered” “ok then, I’m here, I’ll help you in any way I can” he smiled up at me.
Tears escaped as I looked at him. “Thank you” I whispered before he wrapped his arms around me. Everything is going to be ok I smiled to myself.

So what happens to Chris and Libby??? well...

2 Years Pass On......

They have a baby girl, and Harry absolutly loves his little sister called Lily. Libby and Chris are now married and have brought a new and bigger place for the 4 of them. Mia, Tania and Yvonne are loving Lily and Harry. Jay Jay is always there to have play dates with Harry Lily. Chris still works at Shortland Street but Libby is a stay at home mum at the moment by choice.

Libby is the best mum that a mum could be.....

THE END! :)

MORE THAN A HUFF AND A PUFF

Hi guys,

Here's the DRAFT fanfic piece. Hope you have as much entertainment reading it as I did writing it. Enjoy! And comments please. Thanks.


Background: In this cross-over fanfic the world of the three little pigs collides with that of Little Red Riding Hood and more.

Disclaimer: The usual.

New Vocabulary: “Piggels” = pigs


Wolf wondered how to get at the pork inside the straw house. One look at him and the three pig-siblings had fled indoors. He tried a huff, but, being an asthmatic, his efforts had no effect on the house.

Joker, considering how to upset Batman’s world, was passing by and saw Wolf’s distress.

“You sorry looking mongrel, what’s your problem?” he asked.

“I’m hankering after pork sausages, but can’t get at the piggels within,” groaned Wolf, pointing at the house.

Joker thought for a time then said, “Use a bulldozer to flatten the house. You’ll have plenty of sausage meat then, my friend.”

Soon after, Wolf, sitting on a bulldozer, revved its engine to terrify the pigs. “I’m coming to get you,” he hissed, with Rambo macho. “I’m going to make mince meat out of you!”

The bulldozer lurched towards the house, Wolf laughing hysterically, for dinner would soon be in sight. Suddenly, Superman appeared and stopped the bulldozer with one hand.

“Bad Wolf!” he chided. “With my x-ray vision I know what’s inside the house and what you’re planning to do.” Speaking to the pigs, he said, “Be on your way and, next time, make your house more secure.”

“No, no, no!” shouted Wolf, watching his dinner on the hoof escaping down the road.

When Wolf met the pigs again they were living in a house of sticks. Good living had made them more rotund while Wolf had grown leaner. Wolf licked his lips in anticipation. But first he had to get at the porkers who, predictably, had fled indoors.

He tried a puff and a huff but the house remained standing. Wheezing, Wolf sat on the grass and burst into tears, his paws covering his face.

“Why, Wolf, what’s happened?” a voice asked.

Looking up, Wolf’s tears ebbed. “Puzzler! I’ve a hankering for roast pork and no way to get at the piggels,” he squealed, pointing at the house.

“Batman’s not on my tail, so I’ve time to help you,” Puzzler replied. He pondered the conundrum for awhile then declared “I’ve got it! Listen you sook, I’ll only tell you once. In the iron monger’s it lives and makes a meal out of anything combustible.”

Puzzler slapped Wolf on the back. “Figure that out and you’ll have roast pork.”

Wolf put two and two together and returned with a fiery torch. He was about to set the house alight when Superman appeared and snuffed out the flame.

“Bad Wolf!” he chided. “With my x-ray vision I know what’s inside the house and what you’re planning to do.” Speaking to the pigs, he said, “Be on your way and make your next house more secure.”

“No, no, no!” shouted Wolf, watching his dinner roar down the road in an automobile.

When Wolf met the pigs again they were living in a brick house complete with heated swimming pool. Predictably, the pigs fled indoors leaving a frustrated wolf to howl.

Meanwhile, Penguin, holding a balloon, was descending rapidly to earth. “Wolf, what’s wrong? I’ve given Batman the slip, so I’ve time to help.”

“I’m hankering after smoked pork, but the piggels are indoors,” Wolf said, pointing at the house.

“You can’t blow this one down,” Penguin commented. “But pigs like to keep warm. See the smoke coming out of the chimney? Bung it full of moist grass. The smoke filling the house will give you smoked pork.”

Wolf was carrying out the plan, laughing hysterically, when Superman appeared.

“Bad Wolf!” he chided. “I’ve had enough of you.” Grabbing Wolf by a leg, Superman spun him in the air then let him go.

“No, no, no!” shouted the flying wolf as he hurtled through the air, while down below his dinner waved him goodbye.

Wolf landed on his head in a dense forest. He found a path and followed an old woman and a little girl in a red cloak thingy all the way home.

Granny, spotting the canine, yelled, “Wolf!” and Red Riding Hood yelled, “Save us!” Rushing indoors, they left Wolf to collapse exhausted upon the ground.

A woodsman jumped out of the forest. “Did someone say ‘wolf’?” he asked, and spotting the canine, rushed to him, axe ready to deliver the fatal blow.

“Is this the end?” Wolf moaned. A wolf’s life was grim in Fairy Land.

Suddenly, Superman appeared. “Woodsman, he wasn’t supposed to land here.”

“Like the last one?” Red Riding Hood asked, running up.

“I’ve had a sore shoulder,” Superman apologised, “and didn’t fling him far enough.”

“Poor dear,” Granny said, standing next to him.

“Thank you, Granny,” Superman said.

“I wasn’t speaking to you,” Granny replied. “Look at that bump on Wolf’s head.”

“Can we keep Wolf, Granny?” the girl asked.

“No, you can’t, you misled girl. Remember that last wolf?” the woodsman said.

Granny patted Wolf. “He’s not like that one.”

“He’s a big sook,” the girl said.

“And fast turning vegetarian,” Wolf declared. “I can be anything you want me to be. Just don’t ask me to be a wolf. I’m no good at playing that role.”

“Of course you can stay,” Granny cried.

“But, be warned,” the woodsman cautioned, swinging his axe.

“It’s your lucky day, Wolf,” Superman said, flying off.

Wolf curled up on the veranda and ate a pork pie Granny had given him. “Home at last,” he purred to himself.